I was born sad, she said, sitting on her bed; golden Saturday afternoon in Ukraine,

I used to be sad a lot too, I answered, tongue cutting itself on the old phantom pain.

It’s hard to forget the details of our suffering,  I told her,

But it’s worth it to remember to try; just focus on each moment, one by one

and it gets easier, trust me it gets easier, as time flows faster and we live on.

I was born sad, she told me; sharp boned and lanky, eyes shuttered brown, long wavy hair.

Seems some of us learnt the harsh truth young; it ambushed us and smothered us bare.

Skin to skin with suffering, we watched the world live on, drinking toasts to the despair,

I love you, I told her, I love you, I love you, fifteen years old and fighting fierce with your fear.

I never said I love you before, because I thought it a sacrilegious thing to say,

But in those 3 weeks in camp in Kiev, I said I love you to dozens of girls each day.

Because there are times we force ourselves to let go,

and surrender to the truth that our heart already knows-

when you give, and give, and give, unfiltered, pure and real,

the most fortressed heart can splinter, and slowly start to heal.

I gave them my self,

and they returned my self to me- remarkably whole somehow,

returned to me what was long lost, what knowledge had withheld till now.

Suddenly, belief again- orphans can learn of love, and cynics of salvation,

And almost nothing is impossible  when there’s hope and determination.

I do not know of the state of my heart when I was born,

But I know, when I was little I would have easily sworn,

That there is evil here that goodness can never hope to defeat.

And sadness hugged my little body and sang it sad songs sweet;

And happiness never befriended me as fervently  as sorrow-

Only came to me in increments, that I had to beg for or borrow.

And,

maybe there is nothing in this pulsating universe that can ever feel as good,

As when we summon the old demons, their nature suddenly understood.

I would go through all of it again for you, if I thought that it would help you, if I only somehow could.

 

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