No I will never understand,
The way you gripped life in your hands,
and deemed it desolate, ugly splay of space-
who do you think you are, to leave this place-
to uproot all I thought was real, was good-
I always fought so hard, the way I should…
You were all the ways we learn to self-negate-
You filled yourself, with a steady, sick devotion;
Depression, addiction, a frantic call to fate-
Take us please, we grew so tired of this notion
of living day by day by day and…cease!
The walls closed in on your every please.
Addiction turned your skin paper thin and brittle,
It built a home in your deep, hurt eyes.
Depression shrunk your vast self into something little,
You believed every one of its cruel cold lies.
You turned yourself inside-out, a gasping breath of boy-
tried so hard to turn to nothing, waiting for still joy…
How light some of us yearn to be,
Mere twigs in silver swollen sea.
Too tired to swim against this endless current, perhaps, we reason, we can learn to float
And so you fed Emptiness and Oblivion into your veins- a skimpy imposter of a boat.
But you drowned, you drowned, you drowned
In that dreadful, endless sea
We tried to save you, tried to set you free,
But you, desperate and lost, refused to be found…
Until there was no more fight, no need to flee…
They brought you dead to me.